Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

You've been out riding fences for so long now...

Does my taste in music date me? 

Here's the good news, my exercise has been decent. Good, in fact. Better than it has been in months. My eating, on the other hand is out of control. I'm ruining all of my hard work by diving mouth first into a plate of hot wings with ranch dressing. 

I have two upcoming vacations. One with a friend from college and the other with a friend from high school.  I'm so embarrassed for them to see me looking like this. Sigh.

Apparently I'm not so embarrassed that I'm putting down the French fries though.

This food addiction is no joke. 

What is wrong with me?

Everything was fine yesterday until about 10:30 p.m.  Then I sat in bed with a plate of leftover salisbury steak and roasted potatoes with sour cream.

It was Sunday and I had made a real effort to get over 6,000 steps and to do a yoga video.  Like it was a pretty decent day, but I ruined it late at night:(

In a not-very-smart move, I weighed myself this morning.  I'm 235.  For those of you keeping track (probably just me) that's 3.5 pounds up from January 1, 2018.  You know, the day that was supposed to kick off my healthiest year ever?

I won't/can't give up on myself.  I want to live to a ripe old age and be strong and independent while doing it. 

Bloody tired

Back in November I had routine labs done and was found to be slightly anemic with a 10.1 (normal is 11.1).

I had been giving blood regularly last year so my doctor just said to hold off on any more donations and she scheduled re-do of my labs in January.

So January labs were taken and while the anemia was slightly better at a 10.9, she did a full iron panel which showed my ferritin at an 11 (normal is 15) and iron saturation at 7 (normal is 15.5).

Doc asked if I'd been feeling tired or having low energy and I said no.  She recommends I start taking Ferrous Sulfate 325mg.

I get the OTC supplement and start taking it most days, but forget it every now and then.  Anyway, here I am realizing that I'm sleeping more than 8 hours almost every night and I feel exhausted every evening.  I normally would blame this feeling on being overweight and lazy, but now I'm really thinking it's the anemia.

I realize I'm not severely anemic and I also realize that I'm the Super Queen of excuses, but when it's 7 p.m. and I'm fighting to stay awake, I think it might be something other than inherent laziness.

I've been reading a lot online about anemia and it often takes several months to resolve even with supplements.  While I am loath to give up any excuse to not exercise, I really don't want to have this feeling of constant fatigue anymore.

FRIYAY!!!!

My mood has improved significantly since my last post.  I exercised both Tuesday and Thursday evening and then woke up early this morning and did a 12-minute yoga sun salutation video.  I FEEL SO AMAZING!!!!

I need to remember this feeling right now. Yoga is a great way to wake up, but when the bed is so soft and warm, I forget about how good yoga makes me feel.

Anyway, diet still isn't 100% but at least I'm not eating until I puke.

My little chihuahua had a bit of a limp yesterday, but she seems fine this morning.  Wonder what that was all about?  My youngest dog has a grooming appointment tomorrow.  After I drop him off, I plan to take a nice long walk.  The weather is supposed to be beautiful again this weekend!

How many rock bottoms can one person have?

Friday night I ate until I puked.

It didn't even feel like a binge and I certainly didn't stick my finger down my throat.  I just ate until I got sick.

It started off with mozarella sticks and hot wings.  Then on to steak, baked potato, green beans and bread.

Soon after I finished eating, I felt some nausea, but it wasn't that urgent OH MY GOD and run to the bathroom kind of nausea.  It was the "eh, I ate too much so I'm just gonna sit here and never move again" nausea.

Then 5 minutes later I knew I was gonna throw up, but again it wasn't an urgent feeling.  Like I had time to put my hair up and grab a towel and kneel in front of the toilet before anything came up.

After it was all over I felt so much better.  I just figured something didn't agree with me, but that's not it. I had eaten until it hurt.  I had honestly eaten so much food my guts wanted to get rid of it.

Then a wave of desperation came over me.  I desperately don't want to be in that position ever again.  I desperately want to be a healthy person who can enjoy a nice long life.

I weighed on Sunday and it said 234.5, but I'm not recording it as an official weight because I was wearing pajamas and already had a cup of coffee.  I only record weights first thing in the morning without clothes and after I've used the bathroom. 

That being said, 234.5 isn't nearly as bad as I was expecting.  I guess throwing up that heavy meal worked in my favor for that one thing.

Things I wish burned calories:

• Insomnia
• Complaining
• Binge Eating
• Sitting
• Anxiety
• Staring into the void

Blank

Why do I compose 10 entries per day in my head but can't think of a single thing to say when I actually have time to write?

I'm supposed to meet a friend in the morning for a walk, but I haven't sent a text to confirm it yet.  I'll do that as soon as I publish this post.

Ordered pizza from dominos tonight and ate more than I probably should have. But that's life.

Valentine's Day was nice. I got some sweets from my sweetie and then I gave him a card. 

Anything else? Oh yeah! The weather is beautiful, wish you were here.